«David Bowie will never understand the pain I feel inside»

Posted on 08/06/2010 by Mathias

“Deliciously orange!”, the great divisor spoke.
“I had not in my slumber conjured up a more fantastic impression than the one you have served me today. Yes, good tidings to the scribes who have prepared this most savory spectacle.”

Boredom, excited music, sunshine and a vacuum flask of bitter and brown beverage are all on their own fairly impotent, but when joining together like a freakish and limping megazord, they become a revolting force of nature that approaches the qlippoth in malevolent potential.
I suspect most of the blame lies on the excited music. Whatever fiendish deity wields this melodious sonance, does also have a troublesome prowess with lubricating otherwise tiring minds. I suspect she has some sort of cattle prod, with which she viciously pokes imaginations and force them into atavistic fits of rage.
Where was I? Ah, yes. I’m feeling as if I’m not getting a lot of the themes dealt with in the things read. I’m overly sensitive to Weltschmerz, depression, confusion and desperation. I don’t seem to be getting much of the joy in the tales; the continuance of life and the simple beauty that comes with it. I’m barely grasping the hints of it, but I can’t really enjoy them. I find this problematic.

haha

On that, I’m suspecting that my woefully inadequate collection of real-life experiences are much to blame. I suppose I do really life inside some nigh-impenetrable bubble.
This seems like a fitting opportunity to come with some amusing anecdotes on my shortcomings and epic failures in life. Maybe I could put the entirety of some of my non-experiences into a context that would underline my inability to grasp the supposedly more joyous sides of life. ohyeah, still dreaming of my first kiss. Mind you, that’ll never happen.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ve made interesting experiences, and then opted to block them out, then I suddenly remember that I have weird experiences that I’d rather forget but can’t, so it all seems to moot.

I’m beginning to sense a recurring theme here.

The chapter structure of Love in the Time of Cholera is odd. It doesn’t seem to deal with matters of time, but with stages of personal development. That’s my sense of it, anyway. The truth is probably something like «it’s arranged alphabetically from the third word of of the 2nd paragraph in even numbered chapters and the 19th word of the first paragraph in odd numbered chapters.»

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Screw this! I’m just going to click publish. I don’t know what I wrote.

Posted on 24/05/2010 by Mathias

Earlier, in a room barely lit by the celestial lightbulb, in a quiet corner, I was disturbed by a sudden and abrupt collection of loudened voices. Barely aware of my surroundings, I stuck my head under the pillow, and let the radio scream until it decided to end its torturous and futile task with which it had been charged.

I realize it may seem an entirely unnecessary exercise, to regale you of the tales of my morning, but it is tangentially related to what I hope to communicated. Related, in as much, as it is part of the first considerations made when the negligee that would soon wrap my cogitation.

To you objections, I say pooh-pooh.

Yesterday, at a very late hour, I was unduly informed that Palestinakomiteen ( weirdo NGO committee that.. oh, you know what, just go to their site. ) intend to picket at Eurovision Song Contest. Uh, guise? Dick move.

I thought I’d be bothered enough by that to fuel a day of rage. This was very wrong.

First thing I see on twitter, is a reference to and old blog post that pokes fun at christians and implicitly those of all faiths. I’m not that bothered. Then there’s the comments section, and suddenly it’s like I’m reading The God Delusion all over again. Although, now it’s been written my a monkey. Through my superior intellect and amazing skills me having read a few of Dawkins’ books, I actually get what their arguments are, it all collapses when they’re not being communicated properly. Dwelling too long on the significance of a unicorn.

One of the most annoying things on this earth, are those irksome atheists that bury themselves in literature that reaffirms their views. They soak up established arguments and construct a dense wall of arrogance around themselves. I know, not all atheists are that obnoxious, but you don’t really need many jerks to ruin it for everybody. It’s hugely problematic, that atheism is somehow the polar opposite of religion, and atheists don’t understand on a fundamental level what religion is about.

Ok, now, without remotely acting out on what religion is about, I’m just going to playfully flirt with definition.

I posit, that religion isn’t theistic by definition. For this, I suggest paganism, wherein gods aren’t gods in the traditional sense, but perhaps better described as manifestations or sums of forces, elements or whatnots. Oh, and that Buddhism thing-y, wherein there is no deity, but rather some concept of infinity ( don’t tempt me. ever. I will spend days on this, and you’re never helpful ).
I also posit, that the sum life could be called a life’s narrative. A story told, wherein one seeks the answer to your life/reality/colour.
From my initial position, I indicate that it is not the deity but what the deity implies that is relevant for it to be labeled «religion».
ONWARDS IN THIS RAMBLE!
Haha, oky-doky. In a very roudabout way, I’m not going to meld these two, by alluding to a belief that «religion» implies a certain perspective or understanding of the universe, of life and of everything. In theism the infinite deity structures the universe, and imposes some meaning ( no matter how vague or random). Yes. I’m suggesting that atheists are religious, in that they’ve made atheism a firm position – a stance – through which to look at the world. Especially the militant atheists, who seem to grasp to blatant certainty. ( I’m not touching theism. No matter the length of the poker )

AAAAAAAAARGH.
So! Hah! At some point, I was also told of blood type diets! And boy did they NOT help my day.

So, there’s this idea out there, that people of certain blood types might have better lives, if they tried to avoid some things, and eat more of other things. A diet. No, not the japanese diet. waht? no. not the german either. FOOD! You know! A nutritional regiment! Get it? Ok.

Quickly skimming through the wads of pseudoscience, the basic idea is that people with some blood types may react either poorly or badly to lectins, and if it’s bad, then avoid lectins. Rocket science, I know.
Playing along. I accept that people with a antigen may react poorly to some lectins. Not going to bother with the obvious correlation does not imply causation, but rather move on and ask how the poop that turns into O eating protein rich food, A a more vegetarian regimen and B doing for dairy products, when the basic idea is limited to lectins. I’m so annoyed, I’m going to have to get a hold of more descriptive literature and let the weirdo explain this.

This day’s been nothing but annoying. Militant atheists, quit being such monumental shitheads. don’t talk to me about food.

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In my mind, I pretend I can’t feel anymore.

Posted on 19/05/2010 by Mathias

Some four years ago, my cellphone rang.
That my phone rang, is a rare and peculiar event on its own right, because of this, I hesitated not to answer it. A classmate of mine was calling on the behalf of my teacher, wondering why I wasn’t in my German language course, and I replied “I’m *in* Germany.”

It was four years ago, so it’s not verbatim, but the essence is there.
Oh, yeah, I took a long weekend four years ago, to go to Hannover in Niedersachsen (yes, that’s in Germany ).

;PPPpppPP

Normality has been restored!

For 10 hours steady, the weights have been lifted. 38 hours remain for the regular order, and proper use of time is a cardinal concern.

Whereas it is my usual place to lay down a collection of offensive remarks in communication, it is now my aim to regale you of recently lived chance.

Since mid-April, a strain has been building up. Through undesirable circumstances, stress and confusion have once again found access to my little corner of life. Unfortunately, humanity still maintained, the root cause of this grievance has been quite welcome.

Through some incomprehensible reasoning (1), two separate persons have found themselves talking to and with me. These brilliant, amazing and positively surprising people, are volunteering to subject themselves to the experience that is me.
They’re these two amazing people, who wield these wonderful words. The height of the regard held for these two are mind-boggling.

It is in this time of continuous strain that I have found a moments respite. In my previous words, «Normality has been restored», and in this all, it seems I a tie has been severed. I intend that all of the involved are of the opinion that this is for the best, but I digress.

I’m positively charmed, and it is a bitter experience to feel this torn. I’d like to say I know what’s going on, but words aren’t really suited. Interesting times, I’d wager.

I don’t think I’m done with this, but the words that need writing are many and vague. The condition is confusingly Lavender, and I admit to a preoccupation with exam preparations and whatever it is I hope to achieve with my absurd HoN tirade.

Don’t think that this is it.

(1): The contemplation which upon I henceforth and forthwith will place a moratorium, for the musings thus far have only sought to exceed the realm of understanding to which they have been granted mastery.

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The Guacamole Act of 2008

Posted on 08/04/2010 by Mathias

Because I’m so darn’ tootin’ lazy, and because I’m now a tortured artisté ( ! ), I bring unto you the apex of my potential! The quintessential product of my writing endeavours: The Guacamole Act of 2008.

Written in a weird-ish haze, on a boring day ( both at and after school ) as an application for a world of warcraft guild, in a unique section dedicated to those who apply not for raiding purposes, but because they have friends in the guild, and would like to hang.

Enough tomfoolery!

Well, the current atmospheric conditions observable at my current geographical location are less than optimal, what with there being a rather large layer of – what I can only assume to be – dihydrogenmonoxide stuck in a perpetual cycle of evaporation and condensation blocking the sun. Add that to a slow day on the tubes, and I just got a tad bored.

Without anything else to do, I thought to myself «Why not yield to the wishes of Archz and write an application? ’tis not like you have anything better to do, besides, it might be fun».
So, there, that would be why I’m dumping some weird thread in your nice forum.

This being an application (of indeterminate kind ), I assume there to be a need for me to ramble on write some details about me, so y’all can scrutinize my application properly. This assumption actually builds upon the assumption that I’m not a moron, another assumption which – incidentally – happens to be a flawed idea, since a moron could not be able to grasp the finer concepts of the universe, which tend to be a prerequisite in order to make that distinction. Observing now that I’m basing assumption on another assumption which may or may not be true under completely random circumstances, I would probably go under the definition of moron put forth by Umberto Eco.

Moving on.
I am to be found on Dunemaul – doing absolutely nothing meaningful – under the alias Thaleck. I am an obnoxious, cynical and narcissistic misanthrope. I get my kicks from insulting and manipulating people in my own special ways. I express very few feelings, less than Vorte (Whom I have discovered, doth bleed small fluffy animals when cut) but still have not gotten the official social stamp of cold-hearted bastard. Oh, but I’m getting there, having now one person with the sensibility to call me by the derisive descriptor of the anus.
If we have had a previous encounter on the internet, the chances are rather large that I have – at more than one occasion – insulted you, and am still cursing your name in my dreams.

I prefer to consider my style a slight derivative of the geek chick-style.
I like to rearrange the wording of my english teacher in a way that makes it sound like I was asked to leave because I was too good.
Thanks to my parasitical tendencies, I always win at life. No exceptions.
I like ranting on about things nobody actually gives a sh*t about.
Oh, I do german, english and norwegian. Thinking about starting with French as well, but that would be a hassle.

Oh my, this has become more of a rant than an application.

I do enjoy a good cigar at various occasions.

So, why should on earth should you let me join IE?
Well, quite frankly, I haven’t got a clue. I take my sweet time to level. I mostly run about doing nothing for several hours. I waste hours listening to the barrens chat. Uhm, Since I do not care about anything, I will most likely be a perpetual newbie.
The only reason I wrote this application, was because I was bored, and the only motivation I have to join, is that your voice-chat is supposedly very entertaining, and there is a supposedly great opportunity for insults by various members of the guild. I do appreciate those wondrous insults. A good insult is like, well, not like Starbucks coffee since that’s just mediocre coffee, but a supremely well-done coffee.

OH, THIS IS GETTING SILLY!
I’m off to watch some Doctor Who.

Good <Insert noun most fitting your current time-zone>

Just in case you did not get it, the name of my sponsor has been formatted with that neat bold setting. Good lord, woman, this thread makes about as much sense as ooh look, a puppy flying on a fridge while dancing with the pineapples.

Added bonus for me : I can now delete the file on my drive. Since it’s stored here.

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I *said* party – goddamn – HATS!

Posted on 15/03/2010 by Mathias

Indubitably!

Though, if – at this hour – confusion arises, then surely that both can and
must be a product of insufficient veribage!
Scanty articulation may be the cause of a vast and tremendous – if not to say numerous – number of miscommunications and malapropisms.
It seems to me, then that verbose communication suffers not by inadequate potential to rightfully transfer opinions and the abstractions thereof, but rather, by apathy and unwillingness to participate in this dance of words; this colloquy; this tète-a-tète!

In lieu of such interest, I shall henceforth and forthwith resign myself to a more suitable from of communication, and it will most definitely declare itself in the most vile of contours ( that is, when taken in relation to conversation )

Namely the shape of,
silence

NO I WILL NOT CONFORM TO YOUR NORMATIVE CHAIRSITTING

Conformist? Moi?

Yeah! That wasn’t at all what you might call good.

It makes more sense when you take in the context, which was that my cousin has this annoying knee-jerk reaction: responding to anything with “:P”, which on the internet is ok, for the most part. Though it quickly turns very annoying, when you’re trying to hold a dialogue on matters that you invest ever so slightly into.
So I ‘ploded in incoherent babbling ranting. Like I always do.

Seriously now! Justin Timberlake is playing in the background, and I’m looking intently out the window. It’s snowing! I’m really tired of the trite white landscape and all the white cold powder that covers it. However! It is indeed March, and what you see outside right now, is not a frigid wasteland, but a war zone.

King Winter and his frost giants have gone to war; confronted by the nymphs of spring, who inevitably will be victorious! Celebration of their victory will soon commence! Bring forth the good spirits and rejoice!

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The Nile is a Deep River

Posted on 12/02/2010 by Mathias

See! You can catch the ball when it comes flying towards you
at a million miles per hour
ready to shatter your skull

I’ve only been reading properly for 3-4 years. It was during a stay in the mountains, during the easter, and I’d brought with me the 5th Harry Potter book. I devoured that thing in two days or something, and then we found the 6th book in a quaint bookstore in a nearby town. That one too was devoured before the mountain stay was over, and just like that, I was hooked.

Since then, I’ve read a wee bit, and I’ve come to understand better what I look for in books. What kind of plots and styles that make me happy, and a few authors that I like and know will write nice reads.

I mean, I refuse to accept that there is some universal definition for poor literature. It’s just annoying to claim otherwise. However, I would say that once a certain piece of literature reaches a critical mass of readers who all oppose it ( and this mass has readers of many social classes ) then a given piece of litter can be classified as just that.
Like the twilight saga, which if you ignore the adjectives, isn’t that poorly written, and has an amusing story to tell, but has gathered a vocal opposition and is now established as poor.

It’s all about tastes.

Which brings us, to the House of Night series, of which I’ve successfully dragged my wretched and deplorable mind through the first two books, with three more waiting.

I should say that the main character is named Zoey Redbird, or, u-we-tsi-a-ge-ya ( more on that, nevah )

The House of Night series have a remarkably interesting setting. There’s so much you could do in that world. It fits so incredibly well into – and I know that this is the most obvious and boring interpretation – the whole puberty scene (Talking in parables, eh? He mused to himself as he wrote). A sudden brutal change that violently changes who you are? Forcing you to try to rediscover yourself? It’s the teenage years (well, mine anyway) taken to the extreme. Smoothing over a waking libido and calling it bloodlust? This is just brilliant!
HoN balances the glaringly obvious themes on one side, and the rich and charming world on one side. I can laugh mockingly, feel clever AND enjoy it. At the same time!
And, I positively adore – and salute – the stark feminism that is skillfully weaved into the narrative. It is a welcome break from the regular trite pseudomisogynism that secretly hides in YA.

I should really be liking this book. The plot thus far – while not using the full potential of this world – is interesting. Why, then, is the HoN the worst thing I’ve read in a while. Ah, yes, well, I’ve read two of ‘em and it’s not the insistance to use the spelling vampyre. It’s that..

THERE IS NO CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT WHATSOEVER.

Ignoring the change from human to vampyre, after 600 or so pages, Zoey Redbird hasn’t changed as a person. She’s gotten weird things thrown at her. She’s had more and more powers thrust upon her, but she’s still the same boring and flat person. No moping, no nothing! Neither she nor her close friends actually grow beyond themselves.

There is a depth in the characters, but that goes mostly to talking about how deep they are. Like Erik Night, who does poetry and drama ( or something ).

The tiny voice is now telling me that I should mention, that it is a most fundamental tenet of storytelling, that you force your characters through their unique hell. To show the reader what they’re made of, and to show off the character changes. The growth.
Oh! And not to forget that the reader always knows that it’ll turn out well in the end, so to make the suspension of disbelief even possible and keep the tale interesting, the experiences must be harrowing ( for the character ).

House of Night has none of this, and it is a terrible dealbreaker.

This statement is blatantly false, as Aphrodite, the designated bitter, elitist and quite unpleasant person person ( who also has futuresight ) did change.
She went from the bitterness, to revealing that she’s actually quite repressed and confused, even showing some remorse. Wait, why is this the one person with actual depth?

Hold it! Why do the flat characters seemingly contradict the general notion that women are strong and independent in the way that while they’re talking about hos strong and independent they are, they don’t really do anything? ever? I’m so confused.

But hey! Maybe it’ll change? There’s still a few more books left of the series. Not like the first book should have been an indication for the future, or to give me an interest in the next books.

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Talk is overrated as a problem solver

Posted on 12/02/2010 by Mathias

Neon Genesis Evangelion was the first anime that I watched religiously. It‘s an awesome series. The first times I watched it, it was like a rollercoaster that would rip your brains out, shove it into a blender, and make a delicious psychotic smoothie.

I‘ve seen so many NGE discussions turn into a proverbial war zone over something as basic as the plot, so I won‘t really touch that one, except to say that for me, NGE deals less with survival and more with the fear and insecurity that comes with being human, and the dystopian future more of a setting for this tale.
It is peppered with weird Judeo-Christian tidbits and is singlehandedly to blame for me reading and loving Umberto Eco‘s „Foucault‘s Pendulum“ ( which I keep pimping everywhere I go. It‘s a great book).

However, in simpler terms, Neon Genesis Evangelion, is a wonderful anime series with lots of mecha action, rich characters and no matter how you look at it, a quite interesting plot.

And now there‘s a reboot rebuild.

A retelling of the NGE story ( with yet another new ending! ) in four feature lenght movies.
Two of which have already been released!

My business is with Isengard Episode 1.01 tonight!

First of all: It looks gorgeous! and the artwork holds true to the original series.
The colours are more powerful and contrasting. I love it. I absolutely positively love this new direction. Sachiel is looking wonderful. EVA-01 has a more vivid neon-esque colour scheme ( reminds me of the new Dr Who TARDIS colour scheme. Alas, I digress ).

Now, Ramiel has been improved above and beyond what was necessary, and it is awesome. Everything from the shrill scream from the positron beam, to the drill that morphs out of its main body is an improvement. It looks organic, shiny, and simply beautiful.
Blatantly showing off the humongous firepower by vaporizing half a mountain? nerdgasm right there. Having Ramiel morph into offensive form with all kinds of firing modes? and the defensive mode? arr.. so nice. so satisfying.

(Oh, hey, did you notice that Shinji‘s VIP ID card is coded NCC:1701A? When my brain clicked on that one, my geekary tingled )

My only real gripe is with the new cutting and slightly changed plot. I say changed plot, but it‘s really more removing parts that always felt a bit out of place. They‘re meant to be an improvement, and I suppose they are, but the original NGE was very sketchy and jumpy in plot, which – for me – cemented something very important.

Character development.

First time I was really annoyed, was when Ritsuko and Misato introduce Shinji to EVA-01. That kneejerk reaction of Shinji? The one where he sticks his nose into the dossier? How quickly he gathers his composure after the shock? That‘s a key moment! It lays so much groundwork for the rewatchability and inate considerations that follow after watching episodes. Shinji is our reference character. We follow him through his experiences, and that key moment, is part of what establishes how different he is from the rest of us. That sort of thing plays straight down my alley, and is a wonderful piece of his character. I‘m annoyed that it‘s gone.
Next up, is the fight with Sachiel. When EVA-01 goes dark? It‘s supposed to cut there, and go to Shinji waking up in a hospital bed, and what goes next is more delicious character building, that eventually culminates in Shinji remembering what happened.
okok. Some of that character building is moved to after the battle with Shamshel, but it still bothers me, and I suspect the irritation is of the same kind as when someone changes the frontpage of your favorite social networking site for the umpteenth time.

(Not me though. I‘m ambivalent to most of the facebook changes, and I actually think the new one is an improvement. Although it does look like it fits better as a standalone application. )

Oh, yes, and what‘s up with Lillith being common knowledge in NERV? and it‘s accessible by a mere lieutenant? That ruins some of the mystique that surrounds Gendo, but, hey, it‘s gainax, they‘ll make it work. and it will be tasteful and clever.

In the end, the new changes make it more accessible to the people who don‘t need some mindnumbingly complicated plot that can be seen again and again and again merely because of inane facets of the characters.
It‘s more action packed, and has a more easily grasped linear chronology.
unless everything changes with the next one ( which I have yet to see ).

Hey, you should totally watch it. I sort of recommend it

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Conversations, Part II

Posted on 26/01/2010 by Mathias

Another entry in this amusing series!

In casual conversation, so many amusing things pop up, and this time we I bring you..
Continue reading →

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Fetid Belching

Posted on 18/01/2010 by Mathias

Resting on his shoulder, the harp’s column readies itself.
His fingers once again engaging in a discreet tryst with the strings, and the ominous tones start flowing through the many hallways of his hidden castle.

The innocent that pass by, are lured ever closer by the tranquil tones. The serene humm.

until his fingers freeze.
and the innocent souls are set ablaze. Searing through hopes and dreams, a bond is made and innocence lost.
All that remains, is his distant ominous cackle.

I’m going to try a new format for my entries, and this is basically it! I’ll start my entries with some poorly imagined bile that is expelled from my mind, and magically move on from there.

Moving on..

For the first time in recorded history – a period going back all the way to last Tuesday – I produced a New Year’s Resolution.

Thus we now have..

I firmly resolve, in this year, 2010 ( Zweitausendzehn/Totusenogti) of the Current Era that I shall exceed the past ceiling of creative and cultural output that I’ve managed.

I firmly resolve, to be more creative and expressive, and to this purpose, I shall in this year;
Actually learn some photography.
Learn to play the guitar.
Write a lot more, and endeavour to participate and succeed in NaNoWriMo ’10.

In brief, I hope to be more creative.

My failure uncertain, resolve squeamish and attention constantly veering.

However, I stand sit firmly.

So the ruling must stand.
There will be no opportunity to appeal.

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Frightened

Posted on 13/01/2010 by Mathias

I’m sort of happy, which is an odd sensation. for me.
New people are always nice, but I’m also frightened by the future, in which this person too will discover how trite I am, and eventually loathe me.

Perhaps I’m being a bit arrogant, assuming that this person will do just that. Problem now is, I’m bothered by this arrogance, and it adds to the pile of loathing. I shouldn’t let it bother me. I know what’s happened in the past, and the future isn’t here just yet, so I’ll just be thankful for the time being, and enjoy the conversation.

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